Jana's Story

Quantum Source ... Quantum World ... Quantum Void ... Quantum You!

For The Love of Drama

While I’m here on Earth, I like Big Picture Drama …

War and Peace, Dr. Zhivago, the Passion of Christ, Titanic …

roles are determined, costumes and make-up applied,

character & personalities etched out, themes set …

audience emotional response maximized.

Sometimes I’m the Watcher, sitting in the audience.

Sometimes I’m the betrayed wife or the soldier feeding a stray dog

or a mother kneeling at her child’s grave.

Sometimes, being the Emptiness, I contain them all.

Breakfast or Beer.

Win or lose … at some point, the game is over.

The players will put their pieces (the horse, the Scottie dog, the iron) …

along with the ‘Get out of jail’ and ‘Do Not Pass Go’ cards,

pretend money, and dice back in the box.

Next, a discussion will follow. “Breakfast or a beer?”

Chances are they will choose a beer.

The Void’s trap door.

Sitting across from a partner at a ‘Release Technique’ workshop—

choosing an A or B–-each had several minutes to share

thoughts and emotions regarding their greatest fear.

For me, dying and leaving my children to fend for themselves

in a dangerous world.

Amidst these upsetting thoughts…

Whoosh…

I was jettisoned out to the far reaches of empty space,

passing all multiverses, tumbling on and on ….

As the scene faded with the growing distance,

laughter bubbled up and echoed through space and time.

“OMG. How very serious they all are.

They’re acting as if it’s real !”

Passing by Little Jana’s Birthday Dress.

Welts appeared, my flesh burned, and my eyes seemed to sink

inside my head. I was three years old

and experiencing a physical shutdown caused by a penicillin shot.

After this possible near death experience,

every night I left my body and floated towards my closet,

stopping to admire my pretty blue birthday dress,

and continuing through the back wall of the closet.

Each morning, I woke up back inside my little body,

depressed and sad.

Throughout my childhood years, I made up games to escape my body,

yet I brought back no memories.

Maybe … maybe there was the scent of a barn—

earth, the warmth of animals, the sweet smell of hay … comforting.

Maybe there was a baby in a manger …

A Force Takes Over.

There’ve been two times when the Force pushed me aside and took charge.

The first was when, in a Mexican barrio, I was attacked by an inebriated friend

who tried to bash my head against a brick wall …

The second happened in front of my Mesa while praying for my M*A*S*H cousin

who was entering Hospice care.

Four different voices spoke in Light Languages

and performed a cleansing fire ceremony over her.

This lasted about an hour.

I was like a curious 6-year-old child,

hiding in the grass and watching from far away.

Brian Receives a New Name.

April 25, 2015: I woke up Saturday morning at a friend's house.

“I had a dream … a very alarming dream … ” I said.

“Something ominous. Something sinister has happened.”

Four hours later, I answered Kevin’s phone call.

“He’s gone, Mom. Brian’s gone”.

His ‘viewing’ was April 29, 2015. This, appropriately, was also his 35th birthday.

Brian never liked his birthdays. While he was being born,

our house and all its contents were going up in flames.

It was, as things go when they go ‘bad’, the beginning of the end of my marriage

and the future I’d been moving towards as the close-knit family I never had.

Brian felt guilty that he’d brought bad luck to the family,

and believed he shouldn’t have been born.

Having just gotten out of the halfway house

and after years of depressing jail terms and court dates,

I knew this birthday would be a day he was dreading

because of the shame he felt as a failure.

But for him, it was a different story this time.

This time, a birth away from a ‘dead-man-walking-sort-of-life’ and into Freedom.

True Freedom. Lasting Freedom.

Tish was a friend of Brian's older sister when we lived in Arizona.

He never saw Tish again after we moved to Colorado in 1993.

Yet, in 2017, 24 years later, he came to her in a dream with a special message.

He'd been given a new name, and you can have it too, he said.

His new name … Be Still.

How It All Began–Birthing out of No-Thingness

I was the Quantum because everything was the Quantum,

Because there was only the Quantum …

Until a Voice birthed me into the awareness of a separate self:

“Do me a favor…”

The Dawn of feelings and emotions erupted, “Of course. Anything. Anything.

Anything for You—so good, so kind, so fulfilling, so absolute,

so nothing-but-youness. Love. Love so pure.

Anything. I will do anything for You, for Love.”

Whoosh.

I found myself outside what seemed like an enormous wall of sheer energy.

Separating me from all that I was and ever had been.

All that I knew myself to be.

“No. No.” I screamed, but the entrance was no longer there,

leaving only a never-ending space beyond.

I turned and looked around. Dread. Terror.

Fear eating and eroding down to the sinew of my bones.

Then I split in two: one dark, one light, one male, and one female.

Together, we left our Source of Love behind and set out in opposite directions

to experience duality, physicality, and separation,

determined to satisfy the favor requested.

And so. Here I am today, feeling war-torn and defeated.

Been out there a long time—having been on merry-go-rounds

many times before. Choosing the white horse over the black one,

a child’s joy going round and round, up and down,

as long as the music plays.

But it always stopped playing at some point.

It always ended, putting me back outside the fence with no tickets left.

An outsider looking in and longing.

There is no one else I want to serve. Nothing else I want to do.

So it hurts. It aches. It scares me, this emptiness, this doing nothingness.

Reunion. An Idea Whose Time Has Come.

I have not forgotten. The favor has played itself

out for the benefit of the unification process.

The door between the two worlds is dissolving, the Veil shredding.

Transfigured by the success of the merging of Heaven and Earth,

a new ending emerges, for me, for you, for everyone.

The Light Has Won.